Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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