Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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