Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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