She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
