You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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