Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
