the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
