I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
