i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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