Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
