Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
