I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
