i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
