this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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