i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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