This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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