We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I party with great urgency now.
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