Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
