I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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