Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
