He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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