At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
