he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
