I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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