Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I love having hate sex.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
