if you like me you must not know who I am
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
