I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
