'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
