now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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