You can't motorboat a personality
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
