Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I checked into jail on foursquare
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
