it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
