Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
