Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
