So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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