He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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