he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
