I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
