Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
