Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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