We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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