I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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