marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
