We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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