I think my vagina is haunted
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
