Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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