I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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