What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
