i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
