his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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