Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
