He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
