The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
