yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
