hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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