i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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