I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
