she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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