Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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