RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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