just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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