ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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