his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
