so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
