So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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