she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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