I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
